dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
