the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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