my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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