Where did you get a picture of my penis
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
