Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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