I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
