peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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