dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just cut my nipple shaving
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
