I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
