I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
