I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize