Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
