Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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