He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
