I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
