I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
two words: eviction party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
