I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
