I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
