Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
