how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
