I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
