I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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