did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
