I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
