One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize