Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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