I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
