I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
