The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
