Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
