New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
