i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
