His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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