is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is it penis luge time yet?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
