her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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