I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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