You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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