I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
