there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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