I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.