my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
