I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
