dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
