One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
