So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
