my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
