it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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