my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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