I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
