I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
