The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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