dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
