So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
