i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
