I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
