You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
