Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
