Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
