wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
