I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
