Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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