I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
honey bunches of taint.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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