dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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