Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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