i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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